The Mystery of the Disappearing Turkey

NOTES OF CONCERN…

   …Jack Blair

                 The Mystery of the Disappearing Turkey

It is the day after Thanksgiving.

You are probably either wishing you had not eaten so much or you are sleeping on the floor of an airport hoping they will get you rebooked on a flight home.

But these are not the worst consequences of Thanksgiving. You see, every year on the Friday after Thanksgiving, the nation suffers a serious shortage of turkeys. For as long as these records have been maintained there is a sudden and significant drop in the turkey population on that one day.

This has gotten so out of hand that the people who have been worried about how the horned owl might be disturbed by a new pipeline or how the quick brown fox has been required to jump over the lazy dog for so many years, a clear example of animal cruelty, are holding a convention early next November to see if  picketing anyone seen leaving a grocery store with a dead turkey, shaming them all, might result in fewer disappearances of these noble birds. In some cities people concerned about turkeys actually break windows and take a new television just to show the depth of their rage about turkeys.

The regal turkey caught the attention of a Founding Father, Ben Franklin, who pressed often to have the turkey named the national bird. Ben lost out to the Eagle crowd.

He knew he was finished when they pointed out that while the beautiful eagle soared in the air and had talons for fishing the lowly turkey was too fat to fly, even though it often tried. And then there was the fact that many turkeys looked skyward during storms and often drowned. Franklin’s opponents essentially stamped STUPID on the forehead of every turkey and that is why they have that red ribbon hanging down over their forehead, to hid the STUPID mark.

I am hoping we can get some psychological help for turkeys. They have a serious inferiority complex and they have a bad case of “the shakes” early every November. Lots of scientists have been trying to determine why this happens but so far they have ruled out Parkinsons because the shaking turkeys that are examined in January seem miraculously cured.

I continue to hope we can turn this scarcity of turkeys in November around. There could be a Nobel Prize in it for the person who solves the mystery.