Notes of
Concern…
…Jackson Blair
A Prince
Among Men
Among Men
This is a column written for Fathers’ Day.
It may be published after Fathers’ Day but hopefully it will
encourage every former son or daughter to reflect on how much a father brings
to a family.
More specifically it is meant to be a personal tribute to my
dad:
Charles L. Blair, Jr.
Everyone has a father.
Some have a dad.
Fewer are fortunate to have a father and a dad, a man who
knows which hat to wear as the situation dictates when raising his offspring.
In so many families fathers are the breadwinners. Typically that
means they are not around much during the week. This often suggests children
spend much more time with their mothers. They bond daily with mom and they
depend on her for more immediate attention to their needs.
It is as children mature and move out into the world on
their own that they begin to assemble a better understanding of the role their
dad played in parenting. In many ways, large and small, he made their formative
years possible.
As maturity arrives it seems the former child can see that
the partnership between mom and dad included an understanding of the roles that
would be played and the assigned areas of primary responsibility. They formed a
team and their mutual goal was to raise healthy, happy and productive children.
In my case my father worked for the United States Steel
Corporation. So did his father. So did his brother.
He worked regular hours but they were hard hours. He walked
to and from work and he walked home for lunch. I have vivid memories of seeing
him coming home, striding along, arms swinging. He always had time for a 15-minute
nap before heading back to the job.
When I took a position in New York City and selected a home
two hours away from work, my dad went with me to try out the “commute.” I
looked over at him on that first train ride and he was chuckling…he was
thinking of me handling those four hours every day.
A far cry from walking to and from work.
But it was clear he was proud of my accomplishment and he
was there to help me work through the beginnings of a new life. Even though he
had absolutely no frame of reference for what I would face, he knew it was
important to give me support and encouragement.
Raising four children of my own, three sons, gave me
opportunities to practice parenting. Occasionally I was rash. On one of those
occasions my dad encouraged me with a: “don’t break his spirit son.”
Approaching discipline after that conversation, I never forgot the admonition.
I remember that he was a quiet fellow compared to my uncles
and other men I knew in my hometown. He was almost always upbeat. He was an
encourager, like Barnabas in the bible. In fact, he would be pleased that
anyone made that comparison. He was almost never critical of me, and certainly
not of others. And if he was critical, it was always constructive.
My dad wasn’t into “demeaning” anyone.
He did seem happy in “his skin.” He had modest needs in
life. He was a contented man in so many ways.
A cousin of mine recently commented that what he liked most
about my parents was that they were always so “positive.” That comment provided
me yet another opportunity to reflect on my good fortune.
When I brought my future wife home to meet my family dad was
immediately encouraging as well as very welcoming to her. I think he recognized
that she would be joining a large extended family with a lot of expansive
personalities and that adjusting to those personalities might be difficult.
He was concerned for her.
This was typical of my dad.
He made no effort to impress anyone. Yet he did.
My wife-to-be immediately liked dad. They became good
friends and enjoyed each other’s company. In some ways they were kindred
spirits.
When my dad passed away at age 87 it was my wife who gave
the funeral oration. When mom and I asked her to do it we knew exactly what we
would get: a wonderfully personal, caring and proper tribute to a fine man from
one who loved him and admired him.
And we knew that dad would see no reason for “all the fuss
about his life” but be secretly so pleased with our selection.
In her comments she referred to my dad as a “Prince Among
Men.”
She got it just right.
I miss my dad every day. He wanted very little for himself
and a great deal for my mom and me. I find myself “wanting” as a dad, falling
far short of my father’s example.
But I know he would think I was being unduly harsh on
myself!
I suppose all dads should set the bar quite high when
modeling “Dad Behavior.”
I hope all my readers will reflect on their fathers and set
aside time on Fathers’ Days present and future to quietly communicate with that
memory.
And if you are a father, you could wish for no better
memorial than to be remembered as a “Prince Among Men” by those you love.
The
writer welcomes your comments, ideas and suggestions.
Please
take a moment to share your views on the topic by emailing
www.blair-notes.blogspot.com
