Notes of
Concern…
…Jackson Blair
Attention Weather Readers
I used to watch the TODAY show many years ago to check on
the weather before I would head out to work.
In those days Willard Scott was the weatherman. He had a humorous way of
presenting the detail and I enjoyed listening to him.
One year a controversy developed. As I read about it in the
paper I learned that Willard wasn’t really a weatherman in the meteorologist sense
but rather a fellow who “read” the weather.
On further investigation I found that this means you hire a
funny and pleasant guy to come on the set of the television show and he “reads”
the weather report that was prepared by some evidently much less funny and
pleasant but perhaps well trained meteorologist.
I found that Willard’s qualifications for his high paying
job was a Bachelor’s Degree in philosophy & religion from American
University! While this news was shocking I was additionally disturbed that he
didn’t even have a degree in English or public speaking. It was a stretch to
assume NBC would hire a non-meteorologist but even more of a stretch for me
that there still were not more stringent requirements for “reading” the
weather.
So the Emperor had no clothes for me thereafter.
The curtain was pulled open and the Wizard was exposed.
As if that were not bad enough, a little later I read in the
paper that Willard was considering going out on strike. Seems Willard had a
fine estate down in Virginia and was tired of commuting to the Big Apple just
to “read” the weather.
I was even more angry when I read that the television
network was paying old Willard somewhere in the range of many hundreds of
thousands of dollars to “read” the weather. I assumed the pay was in addition
to whatever expenses he incurred in making the trip to and from his home down
south. It seemed outrageous that he would insist on not coming to the studio.
I think of myself as reasonably pleasant and occasionally
funny so just as I was licking the envelope that contained my resume indicating
that I could read the weather and would be happy to come to the studio, I heard
on the news that NBC had capitulated and old Willard was going to be permitted
to “read” the weather from his own backyard.
I should update you by telling you that Willard eventually
retired to Florida and they still permit him to appear twice a week from Fort
Myers! And he is still shilling for Smuckers, too.
He still enthralls the elderly in the audience by
acknowledging their 100th birthdays and displaying their pictures on
jars of Smuckers jelly.
So, all you weather reader “wannabees” take note. Forget
about the science of weather prediction. If you are what I call an “8x10
glossy,” enjoy Smuckers products, and have a way with old people, you might
just be the replacement they will one day seek for Willard.
If Willard’s health holds out his own mug shot might appear
on a Smuckers’ jelly jar around 2034.
I still think I have a lot to offer. And I will work for a more reasonable salary.
Also, I went to college with one of the Smucker kids so that might give me an
advantage.
That being said, NBC has not been knocking on my door.
Weather does interest me.
I am a man who loves snow. I like to walk in it. I like to sit inside by
the fire and watch it snowing. I like to run my dogs in it. And when I had a
four-wheel drive vehicle I liked to drive in it.
However, just as Mother Nature foiled my attempts to replace
Willard Scott those many years ago, she continues to make certain I do not get
to enjoy the “big ones.”
But I do have a secret weapon in my attempts to get the
attention of NBC.
For the last few years I have taken a trip to Florida every
winter. I am not a “snow bird” in that I do not winter in Florida. I just go
down for a week or so to see friends.
Every year that I have made the trip Mother Nature has
arranged for her largest snowfall of the year to hit Massachusetts. I am in
Florida right now watching the Nemo storm on television. I may well be the only
person on earth who is mighty irritated at having missed all that white stuff.
When I was on my way to the airport in Boston to fly to
Florida there was not one word being mentioned about a big storm. I landed in
Florida and the next day news people on every network were reporting that the
storm was coming.
I had the same experience the previous two years, although
the snow in those years was not nearly as impressive.
Some people predict the weather based on their arthritic
pain.
Some people predict the weather based on their sinus pain.
I predict the weather now based on my travel schedule.
If you want to know when the next “big one” is coming to New
England, check my travel schedule.
And so I think NBC should chuck the “Smuckers schtick” and
hire me. Every year I would announce my travel plans and the northeast could
have a lot of time to prepare for the next “Big One.”
(Anyone from NBC reading this column is encouraged to contact me
through this newspaper!)
