Notes of
Concern…
…Jackson Blair
YOU ARE INVITED
Carpe Diem!
Seize the day!
My mother did not raise a man unable to see an
opportunity!
Pundits and pollsters are all pointing fingers after the
recent Presidential election.
Republicans are pointing a finger. I think you know which
one.
Anyway, it is time for a NEW party and I am just the guy to
start it. I have been giving a lot of thought to this and I think I am on to
something really big.
No one wants the old white guys anymore. I am not sure why
they are not wanted but they are ripe for the plucking. The Democrats say they
never wanted to spoil their mix although they have permitted a sprinkling of
“OWG’s” over the years. The Republicans previously welcomed “OWG’s” and
cornered the market but now they want to throw them under the bus.
The major parties are engaged in a contest to attract any
segment of society other than “OWG’s”. The two major parties believe the future
is with women and Hispanics. Before Governor Mitt Romney could get a shower and
a set of new Mormon underwear on after November 6th, Senator Marco
Rubio was on a plane heading to Iowa to give a speech!
Iowa?
A United States Senator who represents the people of
Florida, often known as the “Q-Tip” generation, finds a reason to address
Iowans.
Who would have thought it.
Then it is announced that current Secretary of State Hillary
Clinton has also been enamored of that little state out west and will break
into her schedule of traveling the world, speaking with Kings and Queens and
dictators to fly out to Iowa and deliver a major policy address.
Iowa?
What possible major policy could the department charged with
foreign affairs need to announce in Iowa? This question challenges the minds of
some of our biggest thinkers. In fact, I expect you are pondering it right now
as you are reading.
In any event, I have taken a look at my own poll numbers.
There are tons of OWM out there without a political party. They are
disillusioned and depressed. It is hard to start a party without some ready
cash and I know the press has said the usual suspects, the billionaires and
millionaires that fund Republican candidates are a little irritated over recent
election results and not ready to lay out any more cash, so I am turning to new
sources: the companies that make Viagra and similar products as well as to any company currently marketing products for
arthritis, new hair growth, diarrhea, constipation, “end of life” planning, and
cemetery vaults.
I can see the political ads of the future. A man sitting on
the edge of the bed with a smile on his face while a narrator outlines the
great positive effects of “E-D” products and then spins into a litany of all
the bad side affects that might be experienced. One of the great things about
using OWM for these kinds of ads is that we are not too worried about side
effects. What do we have to lose? We are in the “zone” anyway at our age.
Another commercial would show an OWM on the front of a box
of cereal. He could look like Jack LaLanne. I think kids are getting tired of
seeing sport heroes on cereal boxes. Frankly, I think they love their granddads
and this new approach to selling cereal could be a trendsetter.
How about an OWM in an ad where you push a button on your
computer screen and his hidden joints are immediately shown to you. And on each
steel or plastic hip or knee the manufacturer has a smiley face and their
corporate logo. The cash would just roll in to the surgeons and hospitals.
I am sure you can see how reaching out to OWM and giving
them a party of their own could revolutionize American politics. I would give
honorary memberships, with accompanying platinum identification cards to well
known OWM who will, presumably, be abandoned by their former political parties,
men like William Jefferson Clinton, James Earl Carter, George H.W. Bush, and
George Bush. In a flash of brilliance I have already started looking for a
mountainside and a sculptor. I cannot reveal the details yet but lets just say
four handsomely carved portraits might one day be looking down on America while
people recall that these four OWM started the new party.
As I mentioned earlier, I have no idea why Iowa seems to be
so popular with politicians but I am going to start my mountain search right
out there. They are known for cornfields but they must have at least one
mountain somewhere that can be carved.
The biggest problem facing me at the moment is the name for
the new party. The best name is taken: The Grand Old Party. Maybe since the
Republicans are going to throw out all the male “Q-Tips” they would consider
relinquishing their former name. The Grand Old Party will hardly be appropriate
for the new accumulation of minority groups that will be welcomed to their
tent. So I will approach Reince Priebus, the GOP Chair, and see if we can get
dibs on that name.
My planning is still in the formative stages. I will
continue to work on the small details before announcing the broader more
sweeping plans.
The only thing I am certain of is that no one from this new
party is going to Iowa anytime soon. Florida is where it is “at” for us.
Everything will start and conclude in the land of the “snowbirds.”
The only person who might be thinking of going to Iowa now,
General Petraeus, is free to do that. With that dark black hair thing, and the
comb-over he has going, he isn’t going to join us anyway.
