SACRED VOWS

Notes of Concern…
….Jack Blair


Sacred Vows

We have been reading about the infidelity of famous men lately.

Every salacious detail, it seems, has been placed before us as we read our morning paper or watch a news show.

The former Governor of California fathers a child with the family maid. The current head of the IMF attacks a maid in a suite in NYC. A current Congressman, and New York City mayor-hopeful is accused of sending pictures of his “privates” to a young woman he never met. The list goes on.

And while it doesn’t get nearly as much press, there are similar charges made about powerful women.

Recently, there have been articles in magazines looking deeper into what makes famous and/or powerful men such serial sex seekers.

I think most of these reports have it wrong.

Everyone knows that there is a strong attraction between the sexes. Everyone also knows that one of the basic reasons for having a concept of marriage is to formalize not only a union of two people, but to make a commitment to another person, in exchange for their commitment to you. Marriage is a way of institutionalizing trust between two people. Marriage is supposed to provide a good vehicle for the production and raising of children.

But where powerful men are concerned, the real story is their inability to control, or manage, their most basic of drives. The second story is their need to demonstrate that they really cannot be trusted. That being the case, is it not an indictment of us that we continue them in power.

If your banker happily stole from your account would he continue to be your banker. When our leaders prove we cannot believe what they say and remind us that they have the basest of values why are we so willing to take the position that “boys will be boys” and assume that they do not disappoint us in so many other areas of their lives as our representatives?

So instead of talking about sex drives we should be talking about integrity.

When one chooses to marry another person, and to commit to that person for life, there is an expectation that they will control their sex drive in the interest of trust, truth and commitment. It isn’t assumed that on the day one takes a marriage vow, offers up his word in a sacred place in front of family and friends and God, that his desire or attraction to others will magically disappear. What is assumed is that he has made a decision to control that desire and to be the person who can be trusted and loved without fear of betrayal.

If one wants to be a multi-partnered sexual person then there is no reason to marry.

Our society does not demand that every person take an oath of fidelity to another person. Deciding on entering into holy matrimony should be a decision taken only by those who have already determined to abandon nature’s built in drives, to control one’s impulses, and to make a solemn promise to one other person, a person from whom you expect the same kind of promise in return. If you don’t intend to perform on your promise there is absolutely no rational reason to make it.

Maybe it wasn’t so bad when we as a society were tougher on people who needed to bring adultery into their lives. As we became a society that forgave men for their unbridled sex drives, took a non-chalant view of men and women who cheated, we became a society that said integrity, solemn promise, trust and commitment were not so important to us anymore.

It should come as no surprise that many of us find much more to value in the thinking of the past.