Notes of Concern…
…Jack Blair
The Giving of Gifts
I was reading the column called Miss Manners one day and the subject was the giving of gifts. Specifically, she was referring to the currently popular practice of just giving cash. This brought back memories of my childhood and concerns I have for how the quick pace of life has caused many to lose the important parts surrounding the identification, selection and presentation of gifts to loved ones.
When I was a small child I enjoyed being surrounded by a great extended family of aunts, uncles and cousins. Since I was an “only child” this was really important and as a group we got together every weekend. In addition to those related by blood, really good friends were also included.
On special occasions we all looked forward to receiving gifts. The occasion might be Christmas, a birthday, or another special occasion but one things remained the same: I never received money.
On these special occasions the people who loved me spent time thinking about what I might like that would fall within their budgets. They would take time to find the right present. The shopping experience was part of what made it fun for them.
Once an appropriate gift was found, they had the wrapping to look forward to. They didn’t just grab a bag at the drugstore, along with a Hallmark card, and some crepe paper for stuffing.
They usually found a box at their home, something that was just taking up room on the shelf or in the attic. Then they would look in the special place where they kept pretty wrapping they had saved for special occasions. They would carefully wrap the box. Then they would decide exactly which ribbon would work best and how fancy the bow should be. This latter decision was usually related to whether the recipient was male or female.
When the shopping and the wrapping was complete they would make the card. Sometimes they would cut and paste. Often they would just write a really nice note on their own stationery. Sometimes they would attach a “store bought” card but when they did this it was always clear they had gone through lots of cards looking for one that said exactly what they felt before making the decision not to make their own.
Finally, the gift would be presented.
Often this occurred at a party but sometimes they took the time to come to the house, sit down to talk, and enjoyed watching me open the gift.
The reader can see from the length of this description that to do it this way took time. Time is precious. That is why giving of your time to someone you love is so important.
As an adult I have seen this practice I describe almost disappear. In our busy, busy world we might just grab something, put it in a pretty bag, attach a “bought card” and hand it to the recipient. I find that approach pretty disappointing and it certainly provides very little enjoyment for the giver.
That said, the gifting approach that really bothers me is the “bought card” with money in it. I have heard all the excuses:
They can buy what they really want.
They really need cash at this point in time.
I don’t have time to shop and wrap and this will have to do.
I admit that I am not very good at arguing with people who think this way. Often they are short of time. Often I cannot argue that the recipient needs money. Who can argue that the recipient will get to pick what he wants as a gift.
But something is missing.
The giving of time is missing.
The fun of planning is missing.
The enjoyment of watching the surprise and pleasure when the gift is given is missing.
When you really think about it…don’t you miss the “old approach” too?
