HOW DID WE BEAT THEM?

HOW DID WE BEAT THEM?
By Jackson Blair



For those of you who read my previous article about traveling between the United States and Japan you will remember that I planned to take on the role of the “Ugly American” on arrival at Narita Airport in Tokyo.

It turns out that was an idle threat!

Before deplaning I was advised that I had missed my connection for the flight on to Hong Kong. I was also advised there were no other flights available that night.

I think they made a conscious decision to tell me while I was confined to that metal tube they call an airplane as it would limit the damage I might do. It is a confined space and there were other passengers in the same predicament. Even the Japanese have a certain reluctance to encounter irate people in their airports.

So as I steamed off my 14-hour flight and targeted one of the airline representatives at the end of the ramp something disarming happened.

She smiled… and she bowed!

There is no way a person could be mean to a beautiful young lady who smiled at you and then bowed to you. This is even an impossibility for an “Ugly American.”

She asked my name and checked it against the list in her hand. She bowed and apologized again for my troubles (and I hadn’t even outlined them yet), asked for my baggage claim tags, copied the numbers on them, arranged for my baggage to be on the first flight to Hong Kong in the morning, handed me a packet of information that said I would be their guest at the airport hotel overnight and their guest for both a late dinner tonight and a breakfast tomorrow. A seat had been booked for me on the morning flight to Hong Kong. There was not even a mention of a Bataan-like death march!

Some more of “sorry for your inconvenience” …and more bowing. I particularly like the bowing!

I was immediately reduced to polite responses. I became a coward. I was completely neutralized. But at least I wasn’t bowing back! Not to a citizen of the Empire of the Rising Sun! I know they have hardly bothered us at all since Pearl Harbor but being nice is still tough.

Actually, perhaps I could consider the first President Bush’s throwing up all over their Prime Minister at a State Dinner in Tokyo as bringing this whole matter of “us vs. them” to an end some years ago. Yes, that is how I will view it.

The Japanese are extraordinarily well organized. The van to the hotel was exactly where I was told it would be. The driver took care of the carry -on bags. More bowing and pleasantries.

To my surprise, the van was spotless. I think they were warned that some potentially explosive folks would be getting on so they prepared in advance. Every one of my fellow passengers on the van had been a fellow passenger on the plane. Maybe we were just too tired to complain.

On arriving at the hotel, we were greeted and escorted to the check-in desk. No fewer than three uniformed employees lined us up, showed us to the desk to register, connected us with our bags and walked us to the elevators.

Come on! They had to have been warned. They were way too nice.

The free room was unlike free rooms in our country. It was actually nice, spacious and clean. If we give anything away free, you usually can expect to need to clean it, sanitize it, and spend a lot of time wondering what the “catch” might be.

But then I confronted THE BEST.

I thought I would take a shower. On entering the bathroom I noticed the toilet looked different from ones we have in our country. I hate to admit this in the paper but I did check it out a little more closely.

In this hotel the toilet seat is heated. And I do not mean just warm, I mean hot. Their scientists obviously knew that if anyone was sitting down with no clothing covering their vital parts the seat needed to meet all expectations. After all, it is the country of the Rising Sun. After this experience they should rename it the country of the Descending Moon!

In this case, the seat met my wildest expectations. I am in love with this seat! My mind is racing, trying to decide how I can bring it back to America on the plane. Since airlines will only permit me to carry small sandwich bags with tiny samples of shampoo, shaving gel, or cologne, how will I ever get a full sized toilet seat past them? Assuming I could get through security, would it fit in the overhead compartment? How would I “declare” it on my Custom’s Form when I get back to Boston? I don’t think they have any category for bathroom appliances.

The toilet also had a remote control on the side. There were a number of choices on the remote. Perhaps the most revolutionary was the one that let the toilet spray you clean. The “Green Police” have obviously been here because there was absolutely no need for paper. Are you groaning yet? Who else would tell you these things? I do see this as a “teachable moment”. So bare (whoops) with me!

The choices on the remote included hot, cold, warm, and then full power, half power, and what must have been Japanese for “drizzle”.

At this point I was sure some Geisha was going to magically materialize and offer to dry me after the shower! Hope springs eternal.

After the shower (no Geisha although I did stand around for an extra ten minutes hoping), I dressed and went for my free dinner, which my American suspicion was certain would be a lotus leaf and caterpillar.

Actually, it was a beautifully presented dinner. I ran into another passenger from the plane and he was a vegetarian and they accommodated his requirements easily. Ever notice how happy restaurants are when they are giving away a free dinner and one of the diners says: “hold the meat”! Man, they must make a fortune on those Vegans. I envisioned Japanese cooks and waiters doing a lot of dancing (and bowing) in the kitchen when that order arrived.

Breakfast was a similar experience.

The van to the airport not only arrived on time, but two uniformed hotel employees insisted on carrying my two small bags to the van, numbering them, and placing them in the cargo area. Again, with the bowing.

On arrival at the airport there were many people available to provide directions and help. Check-in was simple. Then I moved on to security.

I should mention that when I went through security, with exactly these same bags in Boston, I was sent aside, patted down, my shoes were taken, my computer was uncased, and I had to stand in a glass enclosed room until one of the checkers was ready to see me.

In all U.S. airports they keep asking the same question: “Did you pack these bags?” And I keep wondering exactly who they think packs my bags. If there is somebody out there who is supposed to pack my bags…take me to him! I would love to answer this question with a “no, my valet packed my bags”.

In Tokyo, they asked me to please take off my shoes, bowing and more bowing, and they handed me a pair of leather slippers!

Leather Slippers!!!

They asked my permission to look at my laptop. Now, I know this was just a courtesy because if I had said “no” that would have ended the bowing, but there would definitely have been some scraping as they dragged me off to some terrorist examination room, where the Geisha’s were old, fat and very mean and wore rubber gloves. But I played along and happily presented my computer.

When this short procedure was over, they apologized for any inconvenience. Let me tell you, if anyone at an American airport ever apologizes for anything you had better look around for the tour director escorting the folks from the state insane asylum because you just found the patient they were missing.

The flight from Tokyo to Hong Kong was uneventful. The seats were comfortable, the food was good, the in-flight entertainment was free, and the attendants were….. attentive.

It was impossible not to compare this with my U.S. flight where I paid a big amount for the ticket and then they nickel-dimed me to death on meals, headsets, and drinks. Not to mention- not a leather slipper in sight, and certainly no bows!

On landing in Hong Kong I went immediately to the ferry that would take me to the new gambling capital of the world: the island of Macau.

So, on balance, I have to give the Japanese a big A+.

Let’s let bygones be bygones.

These are some of the nicest, friendliest and most helpful people I have encountered anywhere.

And then there is the matter of the toilet seat!